I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize