The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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