well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
