I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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