At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
