She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
