I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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