Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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