Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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