Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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