So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
