i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
