I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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