You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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