i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
