I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
