You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
