At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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