I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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