He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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