so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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