I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's just so happy...and so naked.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
