I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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