Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
