We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
