My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This toilet bowl is my home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
