So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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