the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
