If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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