we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
