you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
false alarm, still single
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize