I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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