weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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