walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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