He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
