i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
