Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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