ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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