if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
