One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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