Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
