Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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