so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
