Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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