The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
not ubering you a puppy
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
