If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
