friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
