youre lurking in front of me
oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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