you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
