Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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