2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
