he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
