i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
