Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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