Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
