every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
