too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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