You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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