If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
