oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
should my penis look like a turkey
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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