i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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