i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
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Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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