sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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