i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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