Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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