The beer is more important than you right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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