just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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