I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
