We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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