Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
