I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize