I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
