I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
4 words: hood of his car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
